Sweet brown nectar, why must your mere existence always confuse me? Researchers at the University of Bristol are now saying that regular caffeine intake does not make one more alert, rather it simply returns one back to normal from the withdrawal symptoms experienced in between. Regular morning coffee drinkers appear to experience a minor addiction, which results in overnight withdrawal, leading the sufferer to mistake the stimulating feeling after their next cup as an actual boosting effect of the coffee. Bollacks I say. Give me my morning cup of coffee and stay out of my way, man.

Read more: Coffee no pick me up

In a recent trip overseas, Prince Charles sent boardroom food execs tumbling out of their posh leather chairs when he brought up the idea of banning McDonald’s while touring a Diabetes center in Dubai. The exchange happened between Charles and a nutritionist, with Charles asking her, “Have you got anywhere with McDonald’s, have you tried getting it banned? That’s the key.”

Charles, who is a staunch supporter of sustainable farming and healthy, organic foods, may still be a little upset over recent events taking place in his homeland, where an 8 year old boy who weighs over 82kg was just returned to his parents who pledge to help him reduce his weight and break his addiction of processed foods through diet and exercise.

McDonald’s of course went on the offensive immediately, touting their recent marketing campaigns and window-dressing as changing the face of one of the worst food providers on the planet.

Read more: Prince ain’t lovin’ it | McSPOTLIGHT

The Iranian Fars News Agency has reported that a group of Iranian scientists have introduced an herbal medicine reported to cure AIDS. This would be a great announcement if there was any actual independent confirmation and the Fars News Agency wasn’t prone to shoveling out government-backed propaganda hand over fist. The drug is named IMOD and reportedly strengthens the patient’s immune system, with little to no reported side effects. To clarify, there is little doubt that this is a government-backed propaganda piece, which shouldn’t be reflected on the Iranian people as a whole.

Read more propaganda: Iranian scientists report cure for AIDS